5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
