BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
