At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
