Sponge bath it is.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
