you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
