Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
