my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
