dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
pray to the hookup gods
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
