I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
