i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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