omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
