So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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