you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
