I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
