Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
