I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
