I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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