Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
did i walk over a car last night?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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