Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
