Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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