It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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