Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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