If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
