would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
