The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
