I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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