My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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