Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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