I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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