I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
