that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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