he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize