My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
