I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This is classic penis vs brain.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
