Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
