Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
