I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
