So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
