He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
