Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
