oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize