Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
