Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
