Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
