I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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