You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize