The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
