remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
