All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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