yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
