summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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