I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
