: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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