Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
