and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Rumble strips road head = magical
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
