There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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