Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
