whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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