It's Friday. Sex?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
