Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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