Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize