guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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