The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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