genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
