proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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