The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
