He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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