Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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