discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
