I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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